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Re: okay... this is my poor first writing

Post by Jooyoung on Sat May 01, 2010 9:42 am

THANKS ! 17

I have corrected you have pointed out ! welldoneyay
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Re: okay... this is my poor first writing

Post by Daniel on Fri Apr 30, 2010 6:59 am

* This drama is about Cooking, Cooks, and their Love  at La Spera, an Italian restaurant. One of the most important mottos of Chef Choi is “No Women in My Kitchen”, but there seems to be ‘something’ between Chef Choi and ‘number 10-carp’ YooKyung! I would replace 'something' by something else, like... chemistry ? 'Something' seems a bit too faint to me. - Shimen

Nah. Something is better than chemistry. Faint > Definitive in a review. In a review, one should strive to give opinons and judgement. In the case of "something" and "chemistry" however, unless its super super obvious, "something" would add a more interesting mysteriousness to the review.

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Re: okay... this is my poor first writing

Post by Shimen on Fri Apr 30, 2010 5:40 am

Hey Jooyoung!

Good job Very Happy ! I think that's a good and inviting introduction of the drama (because I had never heard of the drama before, but I want to see it now) and besides I enjoyed reading the post too.

Okay, some feedback now : )

* This drama is about Cooking, Cooks, and their Love  at La Spera, an Italian restaurant. One of the most important mottos of Chef Choi is “No Women in My Kitchen”, but there seems to be ‘something’ between Chef Choi and ‘number 10-carp’ YooKyung! I would replace 'something' by something else, like... chemistry Razz ? 'Something' seems a bit too faint to me.

* The New chef of La Spera. He’s just like the chef of ‘Hell’s Kitchen’. Yell, Yell, Yell ! ;_;
He doesn’t allow any compromise about his cook. No Women in my Kitchen !!- is his motto. What happened to him?!
I think 'cook' should be 'cooking' here, if it's about the dishes he cooks, and not the person 'cook'. The sentence 'He doesn't...his cook' sounds weird to me, but I can't tell why, do you mean that he won't let anybody criticize his cooking? And another idea ist hat you could replace 'what happened to him?!' by 'what's wrong with him?!' ( besides you already have a 'what happened to them?!' in the next alinea, and I think it suits that context better).

* In the alinea about Kim San, I would say 'there' instead of 'at there'. And: 'He has his lunches...at la Spera' could be '....La Spera, where he has lunches, and dinners too'.
* To criticize the dishes
* And besides he likes to kid on Yookyung

* (Drama, which cooks delicious love) The drama that cooks delicious love.

Okay, hopefully these feedback and suggestions were helpful Wink.

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feedback lol

Post by Daniel on Fri Apr 30, 2010 1:39 am

just a suggestiin

you should insert more of your own opinon: e.g. It is during this... that I find appealing, the attraction of such...

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okay... this is my poor first writing

Post by Jooyoung on Thu Apr 29, 2010 9:12 am

This writing is .... well, kind of 'practice thing'
so... please tell me what to add or you know.. your suggestions ! What a Face
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